The B.C. Ministry of Health website says one in five British Columbians, or approximately 882,000 people, will experience some form of mental health disorder this year. It is also estimated that between one and three per cent have a developmental disability, and that 30 to 40 per cent of those have co-occurring mental health issues known as a dual diagnosis. In fact, developmental disability is the most common disability in psychiatric hospitals; yet the needs of people with mental health disorders and dual diagnoses are largely unmet. This is not just about the people who are experiencing these problems. It is about our society and its well-being, because we all suffer the consequences of these short sighted, money grubbing, misdirected and careless decisions made by our provincial government.
The Ministry of Health website also says: The Province of British Columbia is committed to a comprehensive, integrated, evidence-based system of mental health and addictions services. These services focus on health promotion, prevention, treatment and recovery, and support individuals' and families' resiliency and self-care.
I say that’s crazy.
I don’t mean to insult front line workers and mental health caregivers who I know are working diligently with the staffing, funding and mandates they are given to address the needs of this population. I do, however, mean to insult the government for lack of funding for much needed services that keep families intact and individuals safe from poverty, suffering, trauma, victimization and neglect.
We have people who are not being productive as they could be, we have people being incarcerated instead of medicated and/or receiving adequate therapies, whose recoveries are cut short because of lack of funding, or “cost effectiveness” as the government likes to put it. We have people homeless, addicted to drugs to ease their mental anguish, incarcerated or victimized for and by crimes that stem from disorders that could have been treated, and we have children in foster care that costs more than the continuum of care would have, and ultimately, individuals and families in distress.
I should mention that the cost of dealing with untreated mental illness is in no way effective and those costs are just coming out of other Ministries, those that run the jails, shelters, welfare budgets, child protection/foster care, law enforcement, courts, and morgues.
Rich Coleman says "I think we are actually doing a pretty good job."
I say he has lost touch with reality.
Maybe he would like to tell that to parents in Kamloops who had their three youngest children removed by the B.C. government after they gave shelter to their violent, mentally ill adult son, who had been turned away from government care. He was living in a secure youth residence, with 24-hour supervision, but when he turned 19, making him an adult, the ministry was no longer responsible for him. There was no other government agency or community agency to house him. He left the home as soon as his siblings were apprehended, he is now charged with assaulting a police officer and robbery, only two of the three children are back home. The other had a nervous breakdown over the incident.
Would it had not been more cost effective to keep him housed and stable, rather than tossing him into the void that exists especially for young adults who have mental illness? We would have saved money on foster care and now the treatment of the other child, and avoided tossing him like garbage into the criminal justice system. Sadly, this is not an isolated incident, and families all across our province are desperate for help and not receiving anything but lip service on a website and a smug retort from the Minister responsible for Housing and Social Development. And for those whose conditions have costs them their families, friends, and caregivers, they are left to join the others without voices in this province, many you see on the streets. This is not indicative a pretty good job.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Politically Incorrect!
There is just cause, sometimes, to be politically incorrect and even risk offending people in your community. This is one of those times.
Campbell River is a giving community. We donate to the food bank, the soup kitchen, the shelter, camp for impoverished kids, the pediatric ward, mentoring programs, christmas presents, breakfast programs, and hot lunch programs. Teachers are struggling to help some students at least to eat and at times personally paying for food. Over and above what is donated by corporations and individuals, our tax dollars go to support more band-aids for the poor. Yes, I said it. Band-aids.
Hunger is not the problem. Parental inability to buy christmas presents or a turkey is not the problem. Children having no access to recreation or role models is not the problem. Children who are sick with asthma from mold induced allergies, or scabies from poor living conditions, or low immunity due to poor diets are not the problem. POVERTY is the problem and investments are needed to address systemic sources of disadvantage.
People do not have enough food, they eat an unbalanced diet relying on low-cost food, they have anxiety about food supply or stress associated with trying to meet daily food needs and are ashamed about having to acquire food through socially unacceptable means such as food banks, soup kitchens, buying food on credit, and, in some cases, stealing. The coping strategy of many parents is to compromise their own nutritional intake to feed their children as best as they can.
This issue affects the health of our entire community. If we keep throwing money at the surface wounds we are never going to get to the infection and that infection is having long-lasting impacts on our community citizens. Most recent data indicate that nearly 1.2 million children – almost one of every six children – live in low-income households. B.C. has had the highest rate of child poverty consistently for the past 7 years. Among low income families, 66% live in unaffordable housing, and just because it is unaffordable does not mean it is high end by any stretch of the imagination. Children make up 41% of food bank users, but only 25% of Canada’s population. Families are the fastest growing group needing emergency housing, shelters, transition houses, hostels. The lack of access to proper income assitsance rates, or for the working poor, to a living wage and to extended health care benefits denies quality of life and eyeglasses, prescription drugs, and dental care.
The systemic sources of poverty include extremely low welfare rates, minimum wages that do not allow for a basic standard of living, claw backs, lack of incentives to get ahead, no affordable housing, no continuum of care for people with mental handicaps, illnesses, or addictions, limited child care options, and social services and health care system that is completely ineffective in dealing with impoverished individuals and families.
We must invest in pathways out of poverty, not nice stops along the dead end road. We need to ensure there are good jobs at living wages that provide full-time work; an effective child benefit that is indexed; a system of affordable, universally accessible early learning and child care services available to all families irrespective of employment status; an affordable housing program that creates more affordable and safe housing and helps to sustain existing stock; and affordable and accessible postsecondary education and training programs that prepare youth and adults for employment leading to economic independence. We all need to join provincial and national coalitions aimed at ending child poverty. We need to stop defining it, analyzing it, setting up committee upon committee to meet about it because all that has produced few, if any, perceived results and has fragmented any responsible cohesive action plan which should be very simple. “Who”, “What”, and “By when?”
It is our elected officials who make the decisions that have kept people in poverty for so long and kept shelters, food banks, soup kitchens, and responsive rather than preventative programs in business for far too long. It is up to us, the community, to realize this and as icky as it might seem, peek under the band aids to see what is really festering.
Campbell River is a giving community. We donate to the food bank, the soup kitchen, the shelter, camp for impoverished kids, the pediatric ward, mentoring programs, christmas presents, breakfast programs, and hot lunch programs. Teachers are struggling to help some students at least to eat and at times personally paying for food. Over and above what is donated by corporations and individuals, our tax dollars go to support more band-aids for the poor. Yes, I said it. Band-aids.
Hunger is not the problem. Parental inability to buy christmas presents or a turkey is not the problem. Children having no access to recreation or role models is not the problem. Children who are sick with asthma from mold induced allergies, or scabies from poor living conditions, or low immunity due to poor diets are not the problem. POVERTY is the problem and investments are needed to address systemic sources of disadvantage.
People do not have enough food, they eat an unbalanced diet relying on low-cost food, they have anxiety about food supply or stress associated with trying to meet daily food needs and are ashamed about having to acquire food through socially unacceptable means such as food banks, soup kitchens, buying food on credit, and, in some cases, stealing. The coping strategy of many parents is to compromise their own nutritional intake to feed their children as best as they can.
This issue affects the health of our entire community. If we keep throwing money at the surface wounds we are never going to get to the infection and that infection is having long-lasting impacts on our community citizens. Most recent data indicate that nearly 1.2 million children – almost one of every six children – live in low-income households. B.C. has had the highest rate of child poverty consistently for the past 7 years. Among low income families, 66% live in unaffordable housing, and just because it is unaffordable does not mean it is high end by any stretch of the imagination. Children make up 41% of food bank users, but only 25% of Canada’s population. Families are the fastest growing group needing emergency housing, shelters, transition houses, hostels. The lack of access to proper income assitsance rates, or for the working poor, to a living wage and to extended health care benefits denies quality of life and eyeglasses, prescription drugs, and dental care.
The systemic sources of poverty include extremely low welfare rates, minimum wages that do not allow for a basic standard of living, claw backs, lack of incentives to get ahead, no affordable housing, no continuum of care for people with mental handicaps, illnesses, or addictions, limited child care options, and social services and health care system that is completely ineffective in dealing with impoverished individuals and families.
We must invest in pathways out of poverty, not nice stops along the dead end road. We need to ensure there are good jobs at living wages that provide full-time work; an effective child benefit that is indexed; a system of affordable, universally accessible early learning and child care services available to all families irrespective of employment status; an affordable housing program that creates more affordable and safe housing and helps to sustain existing stock; and affordable and accessible postsecondary education and training programs that prepare youth and adults for employment leading to economic independence. We all need to join provincial and national coalitions aimed at ending child poverty. We need to stop defining it, analyzing it, setting up committee upon committee to meet about it because all that has produced few, if any, perceived results and has fragmented any responsible cohesive action plan which should be very simple. “Who”, “What”, and “By when?”
It is our elected officials who make the decisions that have kept people in poverty for so long and kept shelters, food banks, soup kitchens, and responsive rather than preventative programs in business for far too long. It is up to us, the community, to realize this and as icky as it might seem, peek under the band aids to see what is really festering.
Public Commission on Legal Aid
Imagine calling the fire department because your house is burning and the dispatcher telling you they no longer service your side of town. Imagine summoning the police because you think you hear an intruder and you are told they will only come after you have been attacked. Imagine the hospital turning you away because they only provide services to people with certain medical problems. Imagine a public school only accepting students with a certain intelligence level, only because there is not enough money to spend on your problem. This kind of injustice has been happening since 2003 when poverty law services from Legal Aid were abolished and ordinary and vulnerable people could no longer use the law to protect themselves and get fair outcomes.
The situation has become so appalling that The Public Commission on Legal Aid was established to get feedback from the public and community organizations about determining the priorities of a system that is broken and in dire need of repair. Public hearings are going on now all over B.C. At the end of it they will release a report to the public and to the provincial and federal governments.
There is just cause to fear that the report will be shelved just as the rights of people needing free legal help have been. The damage that has been done will continue.
Studies reveal that if a person in poverty cannot obtain help for a simple legal matter, there is a very good chance they may end up in more serious trouble. Poverty law problems lead to downward spirals, mushroom into bigger issues that cost more in the long term both financially and in human suffering. If the person obtains the benefit, stays housed, doesn’t get fired, if the harassment and abuse stops, if they are duly compensated, if their voice is heard, then they won’t end up in jail, in a shelter, in hospital, or on the street, fall into addictions, family dysfunction or lose their children. In the old days vulnerable community members accessed workshops and information materials, got advice from paralegals, funding for medical/legal correspondence, and representation from skilled lawyers when needed. When legal aid is not provided in the poverty law arena, our most vulnerable community members experience a system that is alienating, confusing, disempowering, difficult to participate in and depressing, and they often abandon their rights. Anyone who faces circumstances where their rights are being violated must have access to justice. Justice from the bottom up. Period.
I am certain if it became public knowledge what the lack of poverty law services has cost the taxpayers in health, housing, welfare, law enforcement and corrections, and the current and future impacts of poverty suffering and neglect of children, they would support the restoration of legal aid services to the poor as they were provided up to 2003. The government spends more money from the fallout of denying legal aid than providing the service. As it is now, 71% of BC residents agree legal aid should be given the same priority as health, education, welfare and child protection. (Reference 2010 LSS public opinion poll) and of that, 91% ranked civil legal aid second to only family law as a vital area to be covered for low income people. If the current government lacks the will to restore poverty law services to the level they were, then pressure must be uncompromising until the will is restored.
Legal Aid should not just be used to defend people who have been accused of committing crimes, but to prevent homelessness, ensure people receive the health and social services they need and are entitled to, to protect their rights as spouses, parents, tenants, employees, elders, debtors, pensioners, and consumers. Saving money in operating a legal aid system should not be done on the backs of the most vulnerable and this is what has happened.
Everyone deserves to have an informed voice to represent them in decisions that will impact their quality of life. When you mute the marginalized and vulnerable members of our community the silence is deafening.
The situation has become so appalling that The Public Commission on Legal Aid was established to get feedback from the public and community organizations about determining the priorities of a system that is broken and in dire need of repair. Public hearings are going on now all over B.C. At the end of it they will release a report to the public and to the provincial and federal governments.
There is just cause to fear that the report will be shelved just as the rights of people needing free legal help have been. The damage that has been done will continue.
Studies reveal that if a person in poverty cannot obtain help for a simple legal matter, there is a very good chance they may end up in more serious trouble. Poverty law problems lead to downward spirals, mushroom into bigger issues that cost more in the long term both financially and in human suffering. If the person obtains the benefit, stays housed, doesn’t get fired, if the harassment and abuse stops, if they are duly compensated, if their voice is heard, then they won’t end up in jail, in a shelter, in hospital, or on the street, fall into addictions, family dysfunction or lose their children. In the old days vulnerable community members accessed workshops and information materials, got advice from paralegals, funding for medical/legal correspondence, and representation from skilled lawyers when needed. When legal aid is not provided in the poverty law arena, our most vulnerable community members experience a system that is alienating, confusing, disempowering, difficult to participate in and depressing, and they often abandon their rights. Anyone who faces circumstances where their rights are being violated must have access to justice. Justice from the bottom up. Period.
I am certain if it became public knowledge what the lack of poverty law services has cost the taxpayers in health, housing, welfare, law enforcement and corrections, and the current and future impacts of poverty suffering and neglect of children, they would support the restoration of legal aid services to the poor as they were provided up to 2003. The government spends more money from the fallout of denying legal aid than providing the service. As it is now, 71% of BC residents agree legal aid should be given the same priority as health, education, welfare and child protection. (Reference 2010 LSS public opinion poll) and of that, 91% ranked civil legal aid second to only family law as a vital area to be covered for low income people. If the current government lacks the will to restore poverty law services to the level they were, then pressure must be uncompromising until the will is restored.
Legal Aid should not just be used to defend people who have been accused of committing crimes, but to prevent homelessness, ensure people receive the health and social services they need and are entitled to, to protect their rights as spouses, parents, tenants, employees, elders, debtors, pensioners, and consumers. Saving money in operating a legal aid system should not be done on the backs of the most vulnerable and this is what has happened.
Everyone deserves to have an informed voice to represent them in decisions that will impact their quality of life. When you mute the marginalized and vulnerable members of our community the silence is deafening.
NDP mutiny ousts Carole James
The mutiny within the NDP Party that ousted leader Carole James met with some cheers from a happy group of people looking for a new, more popular party leader coming to the NDP and standing up to the Liberals; I wonder what they mean by “more popular”? More popular than rebuilding the party from 2 MLA’s and no party status to 35 MLA’s? More popular than forming the largest NDP opposition in history? More popular than garnering a 42% approval rating from BC voters in May, 2009 the highest level of support in 23 years? More popular that the party delegates voting 97 to 18 against a motion calling for a leadership convention in 2011, translating to an 86% approval rating?
Now our "leadership" will be people who will ride Carole’s coattails in an attempt to win the prize. They have big shoes to fill, starting with taking their foot out of their mouths for all the bullying they have spewed.
The NDP has lost a chance at winning because the electorate will not vote for a party in shambles with opposing factions sticking their tongues out at one another. The Liberals have a good chance at winning because they are organized, upbeat, and have a this magic broom that is able to sweep all the yucky stuff they have dropped on us under the rug. Voters like to see a clean house, not a dysfunctional one.
Now our "leadership" will be people who will ride Carole’s coattails in an attempt to win the prize. They have big shoes to fill, starting with taking their foot out of their mouths for all the bullying they have spewed.
The NDP has lost a chance at winning because the electorate will not vote for a party in shambles with opposing factions sticking their tongues out at one another. The Liberals have a good chance at winning because they are organized, upbeat, and have a this magic broom that is able to sweep all the yucky stuff they have dropped on us under the rug. Voters like to see a clean house, not a dysfunctional one.
I need a drink...maybe stronger than water.
Someone wrote to our local paper complaining of experiencing a rise in blood pressure while out for a walk in our beautiful community after witnessing the dog/people water fountain. Given it was only a $500.00 add on to one of the few things we have going for us right now, I find the idea very refreshing. It is not only Fido who will be happy but his owners also. There are amazing health benefits that dog ownership can bring. Dog owners have lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels, they live longer, they recover from serious illness better, and they are happier in general. Dogs in the workplace lower stress and lift morale. it seems that humans get just as much or more from their canine companions as they give in the first place. The least they deserve is a nice drink of water now and then. I suppose if J. Barnes and fellow self described old fashioned skinflints walk by the dog park on Penfield (and find out 2 more off-leash parks are promised within the next five years) someone better call 911 to resuscitate them!
I, on the other hand, think a pet friendly community is a great place to live, and in our current situation here, if we are going to re-create ourselves let’s make it pro-pet while doing so. The only lingering issue I have with my blood pressure is thinking about the $133,000 city website, the $88,000.00 increase to Rivercorp (while councilors say they no longer trust the organization), the $45,000.00 forestry task force, $11,000.00 for new computers, the $26,000.00 to maintain a cruise ship terminal that is not in use, the airport extension after it has lost money for the last five years, the $77,000.00 for an additional janitor at the Sportsplex, the millions of dollars spent on two kilometers of highway turning it into a boardwalk with no room for emergency vehicles, and the 34 managers we are paying for at City Hall to wag the dog.
I think I am the one who needs a drink.
I, on the other hand, think a pet friendly community is a great place to live, and in our current situation here, if we are going to re-create ourselves let’s make it pro-pet while doing so. The only lingering issue I have with my blood pressure is thinking about the $133,000 city website, the $88,000.00 increase to Rivercorp (while councilors say they no longer trust the organization), the $45,000.00 forestry task force, $11,000.00 for new computers, the $26,000.00 to maintain a cruise ship terminal that is not in use, the airport extension after it has lost money for the last five years, the $77,000.00 for an additional janitor at the Sportsplex, the millions of dollars spent on two kilometers of highway turning it into a boardwalk with no room for emergency vehicles, and the 34 managers we are paying for at City Hall to wag the dog.
I think I am the one who needs a drink.
Roots and Wings.
“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”(Hodding Carter, American journalist and rights activist).
But for children and youth who eventually “age out” of the foster care system, they have neither roots nor wings, yet they are still expected to fly without crashing.
There are long-term consequences of not having a permanent family to turn to as an adult, especially as a young adult. Stop and imagine for a minute what that would be like to have no grandparents, no aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, even siblings (as many are not kept together) to share life’s ups and downs with, to celebrate with, to rely on, to love and be loved back. Imagine that most of the experiences you have acquired are not all that pleasant and will heavily influence your adult years.
In a youth newsletter written by and for youth in foster care in B.C., a girl called “Milly” wrote:
Living in care presents several problems in my day-to-day life. To me, the hardest part is not having a “family”. By family, I do not mean people who are simply related by blood or marriage. To me, family is people who love and genuinely care about one another. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I have that.”
She is 14.
Also, there has been a substantial increase in children still living at home past the age when they are expected to move out. This is due largely in part to the economy, lack of well paying jobs, lack of access to education and/or affordable housing. According to government figures in North America, the proportion of men living at home in their 20’s has grown from 50 to 80 percent in the past 15 years, among women the rise has been from 41 to 50 percent. I guess former permanent youth in care better have to hope they are not among this “failure to launch” generation, as they will have nowhere to land. It is called “not achieving permanency”.
In the United States there is federal law requiring an intensive search for close and extended family members within the first month after a child enters foster care. We don’t have that here.
The Ministry for Children and Families is responsible for children in foster care, who range in age from young infants to youth of 18 years. I often think the name is an oxymoron. It’s nothing personal against the front line workers as they are overworked, have had their discretion taken away, caseloads are transferred too often, destroying continuity of care as young people experience multiple changes in their social worker. Many BC social workers have complained about not having the time to assess family needs and not having enough time and resources to find appropriate alternatives to placement in foster care, or to provide counseling and other necessary services.
As of September 2009, there were 8,677 children and youth in the Ministry’s care, which is just less than one percent of all children and youth in British Columbia. Aboriginal children and youth continued to be over-represented among children in the Ministry’s care, making up approximately 53 percent of the total, even though they constitute only eight percent of the total child and youth population in BC. Statistics show that older youth in foster care have remained in care for a disproportionately long (more than others) time compared to younger children, and their chances for achieving permanency have decreased as they get older.
There are options available when families are in trouble. Maintaining a child safely in the home with their birth family is still the first priority, technically, but again, often time and resources dictate a different outcome. Support is not always available for families prior to children being taken into care. Supports that, some point out, would cost the taxpayer less than the foster care system does.
Kinship care is the full time care, nurturing and protection of children by relatives, members of their band, or any adult who has a kinship bond with a child or youth. It allows a child/youth to grow to adulthood in a family environment. The child is not under government care and the parent remains the legal guardian.
The 2007 statistics showed 1307 children in BC waiting for adoption. Of those, 42% were of aboriginal heritage, 74% were ages 6-18 and 44% were special needs, such as fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, attention deficit disorder & hyperactivity, learning disabilities, attachment disorders, and developmental delays. What happens to these children when they age out of the system? I can tell you that the system for special needs adults who have no family support is not superb; you only have to look at the homeless situation to confirm it. You can get a current picture of who is in foster care and waiting for “permanency” by going to the Adoption Bulletin at http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/adoption/bulletin_external/profiles.htm. There is just cause to hope that many of them who have lost their roots will at least be given their wings.
But for children and youth who eventually “age out” of the foster care system, they have neither roots nor wings, yet they are still expected to fly without crashing.
There are long-term consequences of not having a permanent family to turn to as an adult, especially as a young adult. Stop and imagine for a minute what that would be like to have no grandparents, no aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, even siblings (as many are not kept together) to share life’s ups and downs with, to celebrate with, to rely on, to love and be loved back. Imagine that most of the experiences you have acquired are not all that pleasant and will heavily influence your adult years.
In a youth newsletter written by and for youth in foster care in B.C., a girl called “Milly” wrote:
Living in care presents several problems in my day-to-day life. To me, the hardest part is not having a “family”. By family, I do not mean people who are simply related by blood or marriage. To me, family is people who love and genuinely care about one another. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I have that.”
She is 14.
Also, there has been a substantial increase in children still living at home past the age when they are expected to move out. This is due largely in part to the economy, lack of well paying jobs, lack of access to education and/or affordable housing. According to government figures in North America, the proportion of men living at home in their 20’s has grown from 50 to 80 percent in the past 15 years, among women the rise has been from 41 to 50 percent. I guess former permanent youth in care better have to hope they are not among this “failure to launch” generation, as they will have nowhere to land. It is called “not achieving permanency”.
In the United States there is federal law requiring an intensive search for close and extended family members within the first month after a child enters foster care. We don’t have that here.
The Ministry for Children and Families is responsible for children in foster care, who range in age from young infants to youth of 18 years. I often think the name is an oxymoron. It’s nothing personal against the front line workers as they are overworked, have had their discretion taken away, caseloads are transferred too often, destroying continuity of care as young people experience multiple changes in their social worker. Many BC social workers have complained about not having the time to assess family needs and not having enough time and resources to find appropriate alternatives to placement in foster care, or to provide counseling and other necessary services.
As of September 2009, there were 8,677 children and youth in the Ministry’s care, which is just less than one percent of all children and youth in British Columbia. Aboriginal children and youth continued to be over-represented among children in the Ministry’s care, making up approximately 53 percent of the total, even though they constitute only eight percent of the total child and youth population in BC. Statistics show that older youth in foster care have remained in care for a disproportionately long (more than others) time compared to younger children, and their chances for achieving permanency have decreased as they get older.
There are options available when families are in trouble. Maintaining a child safely in the home with their birth family is still the first priority, technically, but again, often time and resources dictate a different outcome. Support is not always available for families prior to children being taken into care. Supports that, some point out, would cost the taxpayer less than the foster care system does.
Kinship care is the full time care, nurturing and protection of children by relatives, members of their band, or any adult who has a kinship bond with a child or youth. It allows a child/youth to grow to adulthood in a family environment. The child is not under government care and the parent remains the legal guardian.
The 2007 statistics showed 1307 children in BC waiting for adoption. Of those, 42% were of aboriginal heritage, 74% were ages 6-18 and 44% were special needs, such as fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, attention deficit disorder & hyperactivity, learning disabilities, attachment disorders, and developmental delays. What happens to these children when they age out of the system? I can tell you that the system for special needs adults who have no family support is not superb; you only have to look at the homeless situation to confirm it. You can get a current picture of who is in foster care and waiting for “permanency” by going to the Adoption Bulletin at http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/adoption/bulletin_external/profiles.htm. There is just cause to hope that many of them who have lost their roots will at least be given their wings.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Divorce- the final frontier
I had to say goodbye to the man I loved for so long. When I see the person today that others see, I see all the memories - our jokes, our laughter, our long drives we took together, Sunday mornings on the couch getting a footrub and watching spaghetti westerns, the "basic cuddle" position, the trust we had, our best friendship, his excitement when Eliza was born). When I closed the door on the person of today, I also had to say goodbye to the man who I had loved for so long, since 1974, 36 years of my 50 years here on earth. It was not as easy as it might have seemed from to anyone looking in from the outside, to anyone listening to his long list of accusations and complaints and insults against me. I have to wonder if he is sad too, deep down where he might not really feel it unless he reaches to that far away place, when he thinks of that young man, of the love I think he felt for me then, and of all he has missed in his childrens' lives.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
