Divorce- the final frontier

I had to say goodbye to the man I loved for so long. When I see the person today that others see, I see all the memories - our jokes, our laughter, our long drives we took together, Sunday mornings on the couch getting a footrub and watching spaghetti westerns, the "basic cuddle" position, the trust we had, our best friendship, his excitement when Eliza was born). When I closed the door on the person of today, I also had to say goodbye to the man who I had loved for so long, since 1974, 36 years of my 50 years here on earth. It was not as easy as it might have seemed from to anyone looking in from the outside, to anyone listening to his long list of accusations and complaints and insults against me. I have to wonder if he is sad too, deep down where he might not really feel it unless he reaches to that far away place, when he thinks of that young man, of the love I think he felt for me then, and of all he has missed in his childrens' lives.